my secret wish

My wonderful grandmother has a love for numbers. She has been blessed with so many grandchildren and now great-grandchildren...what a better blessing to count.

Just for fun, I am number 14 out of 26 grandchildren, sharing the middle marker. 13 of her grandchildren are male, the other 13 obviously female. Her great-grandchildren have shared a similar gender battle as the numbers creep up. You can see what fun it can be...
if you share an appreciation of statistics, that is.

What is my secret wish? That our referral will be great-grandchild number 50. Today I found out that number 49 is in utero, along with numbers 47 & 48, all due June/July 2011.

It's a long shot...so I'd better get cracking on that paperwork!

bring on Christmas!

I don't have the stresses about Christmas many people have...the busyness, the chaos, details.

In fact, I'm rather looking forward to the Christmas quiet.

Reason being, in the New Year, we are starting to re-do our paperwork.....again. Yes, again.

And that's been hanging over my head. It's a bit of an undertaking, so many details, decisions.
letters
more letters
references
passports
photos
medicals
tests
fingerprinting
etc

And that's what I have coming up. Bring on Christmas!

I have been so encouraged. There are have been many referrals lately. I can only pray this will keep up - and your prayers are truly coveted here.

Obviously no referral for us yet, but with each one we inch up a bit closer.
And that makes my heart so happy and thankful. :)

For the few of you still following my often dreary blog (is there anyone?!), I just wanted to give a little update.

defending..

Today is Orphan Sunday. I had hoped to post a neat little promo video, but alas, internet traffic rules did not allow.

Regardless, I am urging you to think about orphans today.
Remember them.
Love them.
Support them.
Pray for them.

~15 million orphans have lost both parents~
~tens of millions more are fatherless~


Please join me in defending the cause of the fatherless....

2 years and waiting...

Here we go. (deep breath)
It's been 2 years of waiting now.
Each day brings us another one closer..but the end is not yet in sight.
Let's hope this next year brings some more referrals!!

waiting hearts

And another month passes by. It's been a quiet month for referrals - too quiet for my waiting heart.

Lately, Kazia has been asking if we can adopt. We hadn't formally told her anything, and I debated on it now as she's not gifted with patience. But I did tell her. And as I expected, she was thrilled; I saw that fast beating heart smile. At night in bed she pours over the book on Ethiopia I bought used from the library.

Dare I think about this, but I do hope that things will work out - I'd hate for her precious heart to be crushed too.

And this waiting heart of mine grows weary...impatient.

How long?

feelin' thankful

I've been following the journey of another waiting adoptive family who received a referral of siblings this week. It excites me so much I can't even put it into words. Nor can I imagine the emotions running through their home!



It gives me that little spark of hope that maybe this will happen for us one day...and we will get a little taste of it too.

:)

update

Wow, it's been almost a month since I've been on here. There have been a few referrals trickling in - better than nothing - and with each one we slowly move up the list. I'm hoping the possible new orphanage contract that our agency is working on will bring in more referrals...keepin' my fingers crossed.

blessings

Now that summer is here, school's out, and Kevin's worked has scaled back we've been having lots of fun just being together. I've been really loving it and feeling incredibly blessed. I'm treasuring these moments & my kids...yet I am yearning just the same for our adoption to work out. (especially when the kids keep asking me for 'another one'). :)


My lovely and often nutty girlies...






okay, so this is my city kids' attempt at a fort - does it ever make me wish I could give 'em a real fort!

Canada, get on board

the problems with attempting international adoption aren't necessarily (or always) the ones that people automatically assume, like
child trafficing or the children have diseases such as AIDs

sure, these things do happen...but there are more than meets the eye


in fact, many frustrations and hold-ups arise from the government level

here's a link to a blog/site of one family's frustrations

they aren't the only ones either

time is beyond ripe for change...
c'mon Canada
step up to the plate.

sign me up

I came across this news article online from today. Some interesting points that jumped out at me:

...almost five million orphans in Ethiopia - a mushrooming crisis that the government warned was "tearing apart the social fabric" of the country. The rising number of orphans has, however, raised the demand for adoptions to a record high.

We can't afford to look after every orphan," Bulti adds. "That is why adoption is one of our existing alternative child-care programmes, although it really solves the problems of just a few children." Ethiopia has strict adoption laws, but the process can be pushed through in 10-15 days if the paperwork is in order, according to Balti.

Yes, the numbers of orphans are staggering - which makes it virtually impossible for Ethiopia (or just about any other country) to financially care for so many orphans.
There are SO many kids...SO many waiting parents....yet SO much red tape. Can you even begin to imagine an adoption being pushed through in 2 weeks? Crazyness.

sign me up.

love/hate

I have a love/hate relationship with the Internet. Usually I am thrilled to have information available at my fingertips. And lots of it. For someone who researches things to death, this is the best thing ever.

On the other hand, I hate finding out things that I wouldn't want to know. Being naive is often a blessing, I think. (Well, maybe not to the extreme). For example, I typically avoid the news because it is usually quite negative.

One nice (and not so nice) thing about the internet and our adoption process is that we can get almost up-to-date information about the ongoings of our agency, other people's adoptions, etc. Today, while surfing the adoption sites I follow, I read about one couple's attempt to adopt from Ghana; they have returned home with empty arms, after being there for months with their two girls. My heart breaks for them. The Ethio board I like to follow hasn't had much exciting either in terms of referrals - one in the past month.

I'm thinking it's time I turn this machine off for a while.

miracle

There is something weighing on my heart.

I wish we could go on two lists.

Yes, two adoption lists.

Even if it means adopting two kids.

Wouldn't that be amazing?
I don't put limits on God...
but it would take a miracle for that to happen.

Mind you, this whole process has been a miracle.

photos

I've been admiring some photos from Pioneer Woman's latest photography contest "Coming Home". Here's a link to the latest batch submitted. I found myself getting teary looking through them - it's worth even checking out the previous 3 groups of coming home photos too. I couldn't imagine picking a 'winner' out of many of those photos! They all catch quite a moment(s).

Totally unrelated to adoption, but I found myself thinking of 'coming home' with our little one...and what that picture would look like. And that makes me teary too.
:)

approved

menat to post this sooner..but I hadn't got around to it until now...

Some good news...
our approval arrived. :)
I am SO thankful.

Our agency may make us redo some paperwork - even though we're going to be re-doing it (again) next year.
I am praying they won't make us.

And now we wait some more.

my Mother's Day

My heart was in my throat yesterday...

I am SO thankful for my little ones
yet I couldn't stop thinking that I have another *one*
out there
somewhere
sometime
in this paper-pregnancy
and I want this pregnancy to hurry up
so I can meet & love & cherish
my little one
as I do my others

lame-o but an update

Still waiting for our approval letter.
I'm almost tempted to put up a ticker for that.
um, I'm kidding.


And I didn't win the necklace in the previous post. I checked them out again online, thinking one would make a lovely Mother's Day gift...however, they are a bit much for our budget. Right now, I'd be more than happy with the sun and double digit temperatures on Mother's Day. seriously.

Besides that, not much is new....how 'bout with you?

little treasures

I have quite a variety of interests/passions...
I will spend little spurts of time - whether it be days or a week or even just a few hours feeding each one.
Sometimes it's cooking, or baking, or sewing, or painting, or photography, or reading, or shopping, or researching, or...the list goes on.

Lately, I've been browsing. Finding little treasures that tickle my heart.

My latest ones:

This funky AWESOME fabric from Tonic Living (which in my opinion, has some great fabric and is Canadian, to boot). I would LOVE to make our Ethiopian baby a cute bedroom set from this fabric, but alas, I am resisting. It is too far away to start that.




And I've also admired these from Junkposse for some time, and just noticed a giveaway for them on this blog.




Today at the Garden Show, my sister and I came across a booth that sells kits for kids called Seedling. They were the nicest kits for kids I have ever seen, and I am normally not a kit person, but I drooled over many of them. They look to be awesome quality and with some really simple, but nice creative things for kids to do. I did find them on the pricey side - they may make a good gift if someone doesn't know what to get your kids. :) (In other words, have someone else pay for them).



So that's what I've been up to! What about you?

ho hum

Okay, so I haven't been on here much. I haven't been in a bloggy mood with all the exciting spring projects I want to tackle (and have been!). But I thought I'd give a wee update for anyone curious.

For the most part, there isn't much happening. We're still on the list. WAY up on the list, so the exciting 'stuff' we'd like to happen won't realistically be for a while. Regardless, we carry along, taking the bumps in stride...or trying to, wishing that our number could be closer to the top.

Some recent bumps:

- new legislation in Ethiopia requiring the parents (or one at least) to appear in court; meaning two trips to Ethiopia. To be honest with you, and expenses aside, this rather excites me because we'd (or I'd) get to meet our little one sooner than later and simply, we'd get to travel twice. I'm always game for an adventure. On the flip side, we'd have to leave our little one behind in Ethiopia, which could possibly be the most difficult part of our journey.

- referrals are still at a slow trickle

- still waiting for our letter of approval from the Alberta government; they're apparantly super busy and behind

That basically sums it up.

second thoughts

As per usual...things are slow. I never know what to say to people when they ask how the adoption process is going. Really, it's going a lot slower than I'd like. Actually, we are still waiting for paperwork (hmm, somewhat never-ending!) On the whole, it truly is going at a snail's pace. I really am trying to remind myself that there is a reason for this and that the timing for us will be perfect, when it comes.

I have been asked a few times now if we have any second thoughts by several different people. Occasionally this has been asked with an incredulous tone (as in 'are you guys completely nuts?') and other times simply out of curiosity. I can think of one person in particular who has asked me this question at least 4 or 5 times over the course of the last 1.5 years.

No, I(we) have no second thoughts about 'doing' our adoption. The desire has never left us, though some doubts crept in when our agency went bankrupt and we thought it was over. We do feel led to this - and that alone has kept away our second thoughts.

But I have had some other second thoughts:
- should we switch to another country?
- should we try another agency?
- should we consider going on the domestic list?

The first two I considered out of impatience. Perhaps if we switch, things will move faster. Somehow though, these doors have remained shut for us, obviously answering the questions.
Domestic adoption was discouraged too by our agency - we already have 3 children, the likelihood we'd be chosen by a birth mother would be extremely low.
These are good things - really, since considering them gave me angst...
but I feel at peace where I'm at.

And I have no second thoughts.

down (again)

I didn't really feel like posting today. I hate it when I'm feeling down about our adoption. Realistically I know can't be excited all the time, nor can I expect things to go smoothly. Hey, look at the bumps we've been through already.

Why am I down?
- referrals have totally slowed; likely this will be the case for a while until some major changes happen (I know this is vague, but I don't feel like writing a novel)
- our grant will not cover our next biggest expense
- rumours are circulating of a new requirement to travel twice - once for court and once for visas

*sigh* no one said this would be easy. I guess I just didn't expect it to be so hard.

orphans on my heart

My heart felt heavy today. I wasn't thinking about our adoption specifically - though that leaves me with a feeling of longing more than anything. I was thinking about orphans in general. Their plight. Life. Love. Parents. Family. Circumstances. Health. Food. Clothing. Everything.

From Merriam-Webster, orphan is defined as:

1 : a child deprived by death of one or usually both parents
2 : a young animal that has lost its mother
3 : one deprived of some protection or advantage
4 : a first line (as of a paragraph) separated from its related text and appearing at the bottom of a printed page or column

What screamed out at me from this is that in general, it truly is a separation. Many times children are 'orphaned' by parents who are still alive, but are unable to care for them for whatever reason. (I wonder if there is a term one would use for the parents - I cannot imagine a more heart-breaking situation than knowing that it is impossible to care for one's own children.)
And I think of orphans as having separation from protection. I've blogged about that one before. Makes me ill to think about.

There are literally millions of orphans in Ethiopia.
There are an estimated 1.5 million orphans in Afghanistan.
Approximately 650 000 orphans in Russia. And those numbers are just the beginning.
What can we do about this? How can I help? How can you help?


Where am I going with this? I really don't know.

Just sharing what's on my heart and my frustrating search for answers.





Pure and genuine religion in the sight of God the Father means caring for orphans and widows in their distress and refusing to let the world corrupt you.
James 1:27 NLT

disturbing

I follow the Christian Alliance for Orphans blog, which is called Orphan's Matchbox. Their latest post on the Haitian ongoings was quite disturbing. Here is a short snippet from the brief article.

The nine year-old orphan had been raped by multiple men.

After taking her to the hospital, Esperandieu was told by the nurse that the rape of a child, especially an orphan, is now a “common event” that she sees daily…

This kind of thing, though perhaps some may consider 'common' after such happenings in a country, is to me, so unbelievably heart-wrenching. It is seemingly impossible to reach a solution; it seems to be an ongoing debate.

And as the article reflects on both sides of the issue, their key point (to me anyways) is so true:

It is time for the U.N. to stop presenting inter-country adoption and reunification as mutually exclusive activities.

And in the meantime I can only pray for all of Haiti.

my cup is filled

Last week I was asked by a friend about our next adoption payment. I told her about extra work Kevin was doing and that was helping us..but I didn't give her much concrete in terms of an answer.

Really, I didn't have much more to say on it. It's because I wasn't worried about it. When I left her - she likely puzzled by my answer - I felt oddly puzzled too. It wasn't until after that I realized that I had a peace that things were going to work out if they were meant to be. What a wonderful gift that is.

And it held true. We discovered today that we received a grant which will help with some of our adoption payments. :) I almost can't believe it myself.

I am so thankful.

time to shake it up

Yup. I'm feeling bored. If you're still reading this blog you are likely bored too; you may be yawning. Maybe even sleeping.

Creativity isn't my strong suit, but I am going to think of something to shake this up. Add some excitement here. Don't know how or what, but I'll be thinking. Liven it up.

In other words, embrace the wait. And make the most of it.
:)

book review

I finished reading Successful Adoption last week.

I was quite wowed by how thorough the book is - seriously, it covered everything about adoption including various options...to paperwork...to tips on what/how to pack for travel. You name it.

It was very thorough in describing the adoption process (both domestic and international) from start to finish. As someone who has been (and is still) foraging through the process, it sure made things clear. Impressive. However, written by an American, it naturally outlined this process for a US adoption. This is SO much different than for Canada and I found myself starting to skim through those areas as most of that information didn't pertain to me. Though I do think that a Canadian version of the same book would be wonderful.

I loved reading the personal stories scattered throughout the book. They were varied - from non-legal adoption to domestic to international. Of course, reading these kinds of stories are so heart-warming. Other peoples perspectives and positive experiences, especially with adoptions are always smilers - a nice touch in the middle of mind-numbing adoption details.

My only other *issue* with the book if I may call it that, is that it mostly focussed on adoptions in the US (domestic), China, and Russia - very little on Africa. Another area that I couldn't relate to.

In all, it was well-written, easy to read/understand, FULL of information. This would be an excellent resource for a US citizen considering adoption.

not yet...

We haven't told our girls yet. I had to bite my tongue this morning on the way to the bus when Kazia was asking me for another baby, well, more like convincing me. It isn't the first time I've heard this. Kazia and Neve have been asking for a while now, but I tell them it's up to God. (that's my cop out)

They've heard the word 'adoption' many times throughout the past couple of years. It has meshed into our regular vocabulary - so much so, I once caught Kazia playing Polly Pockets who were adopting. My heart smiled, even though at the time she didn't quite get the concept.

But I just don't feel the timing is *right* yet. Partly I feel it is somewhat torturous to include the kids in our sometimes seemingly never-ending journey...
and I don't feel like answering the "are we there yet?" question every day.
I want them to understand when we do explain it to them (though I do sense Kazia is getting closer to that point).


Simply, I want it to be closer to fruition.

I am looking forward to telling them. :)

And sometimes I can't wait.

tick, tock

Some times I wonder about our season of waiting.

Is there something we should (or will) be doing? Is it meant to grow closer together? Or for me to grow and develop personally? Or a time for our family to mature in order to welcome another one? Or even a time to prepare the physical things we need?

One thing I do feel is that when we receive our referral, the timing will have been *perfect* and that our child was divinely hand-picked for us. I have that reassurance.

And in the meantime, I am keeping my eyes, ears, and heart open to whatever may come.

I feel as though there is a purpose to our wait...I am waiting on that too.

wish I could go

There are times when I wish I lived back in Thunder Bay. This is one of them. How fantastic would it be to go there - only a few hours away! And the speakers look good too.

As an aside, while browsing their site, I noticed that there are no Canadian churches involved. Hmmm, food for thought...

latest aquisition

While we sit in our season of waiting, I can focus on thinking, collecting, researching, or basically anything that makes me think of anything but the wait......books.


To add to my ever-increasing pile of books is this one:
Successful Adoption by Natalie Nichols Gillespie.

Although it looks as though there is a lot of info in it for people who are at the very beginning stages or contemplation stage of adoption, I am sure there are some nuggets of info that I can glean from it. I'll have to let you know when I get to it!

I'm no hero

I feel almost a bit funny writing this post. Like I'm going to be stepping on people's toes or something. This isn't meant to be critical or a rebuttal but to gently clarify.

A common misconception with adopting parents is that they're out to 'save' a child. I guess in some ways it can be looked at this way - the children are being 'saved' from living a life in an orphanage (some are really not that bad and others are worse) and instead are given a home with a loving family and with endless life possibilities.

But adoptive parents don't adopt to be a 'hero'. If we were out to simply 'save' a child (or children), our efforts would be most wisely spent funding medical programs, orphanages, schools, or missionaries. All of those could reach far more children with our dollars than it costs to bring home one child into an adoptive family; and at the same time potentially 'saving' a huge number of children from whatever ailed them. It is something I do think of when I sit back and reflect on the expense of the whole adoption process. Really, how many more children could I reach?

In my heart though, I do believe that there is a child out there who belongs in our family. One that has been chosen for us under God's all-knowing guidance. Instead of being 'saved', she will become part of our forever family, where I can simply be her mom.

any questions?

Naturally people have questions around adoption. And for the most part, I'm really okay with that, because if they don't ask, they won't know or may form the wrong notion. (And being a question person myself, I can relate!).

There are times when some insensitive questions just really irk me.

Here's one: (after learning of our adoption) What are you doing that for?

When I am shocked by someone, I generally don't think well on my feet. Thankfully the above was asked of my husband when I wasn't around. I know I will have to come up with some good responses. :)

I read an article that explains this quite well in The Washington Post. It made me smile.

wondering...

Today I went to a friend's baby shower. Although her little girl is not due until the beginning of March, one other lady brought her 9 week old girl along, much to the delight of us attending. I always think the best part of baby showers is the baby.

Looking at her, I couldn't help but think of our baby.
Have you been conceived little one?
Are you growing inside your birth mommy?
Do you know that you are loved?
Are you getting enough nourishment?
What do you look like?
Where are you?
Who are you?

When will I meet you, little one?

a quiet wait & support

The waiting game is not fun. And I know I'm the loser because I can't win it. Closer to the beginning of our adoption process I found the wait so trying...it felt eternal. I was antsy.

Right now, though I don't mind. It's a bit of a peaceful spot - though I am eager to pass on to the next stage. At the moment, it gives me time to focus on today...what we've been through and where it's brought me now.

In the past number of months I have been reflecting on support. Adoption seems to be a word that either makes people cringe or smile. Although I am excited about our process, I don't go advertising that we are adopting - why? I guess because I hate the cringe. And to be honest, my nature is not to shout my life from the rooftops; plus, being an avoider, I don't want to face the cringe. I know the 'cringers' are not supportive, may not understand, and perhaps have their own reasons why they don't agree with it or want to encourage.

Realistically, I don't expect to receive encouragement from everyone who is knowledgeable about our adoption. On the other hand, I did hope to have the support of people close to Kevin and I - be it a positive word, a smile, or simply a promise to pray for us. When our agency went bankrupt last summer, it seemed to bring out the true feelings and thoughts of others towards our adoption. We were at a spot where we didn't think we'd be able to continue the process, even though we desired to. I carried that burden with me - the death of our dream, confusion with God's leading - all summer; I was weighed down and sad. On top of that, learning the true feelings of our 'support' was equally hard - ironically I was glad to know the truth, but sad to face it and deal with it especially on top of everything else.

I still carry some sadness with our loss of support. Knowing that we are led by God, are doing his will, and have hope to carry forward does lighten my load considerably. Unfortunately my relationship with some people will never be the same. I am not harbouring anger or resentment, but the awareness that of a small chasm between us.

And I remain somewhat cautious about relating our adoption plans and instead choose to bask in hope & happiness and share it quietly.

YES!

From the updates I read on Facebook (really reliable source, I know!), sounds like the adopted kids in Haiti get to come home. Woot! Woot!

even closer...

Such good news! From The Globe and Mail:

The Canadian government says it will try to ease the process for future adoptions of Haitian orphans in the face of public pressure to help children left parentless by last week's earthquake.

I think those letters made a difference!

I do appreciate however, that steps are being taken to prevent child trafficing and smuggling from Haiti. As reported in this article from Canada.com, no new dossiers will be opened in Quebec. I'm guessing the other provinces may follow suit.

getting closer...

woot! woot!

Westjet has offered to bring home adopted children...just awesome. :)

Canadians Wait for Word on Adoption
Now just waiting for the governments to get on board.

we've got a number!

Today I called Imagine to find out why we didn't get a number. I thought maybe because our dossier isn't complete yet for Ethiopia they were waiting to assign us one. Instead, they had missed us because we didn't have a dossier to another country, though no fault of ours...so she figured we are around 150. A surprisingly low number...but keep in mind there are 2 lists on the go - one for adopting singles and the other for siblings/twins. So I'm still thinking realistically around 2-3 more years. But the good news is that we are finally on the list!!

worth reading

An article about a friend of mine: Duncan familiy's Haitian adoptees safe, but family awaits reunion. I'm hoping that maybe some media coverage may draw some attention to this issue...and maybe bring a solution(s).

Please consider writing to Jason Kenney and any other related government to encourage them to consider issuing humanitarian visas to bring waiting children home to their adoptive forever families. It is so important!

nothing yet..

So today was the day Imagine was supposed to send out the new "list" of waiting families. We were to have received a number of approximately where we sat on the list. Knowing we were near or at the bottom (since we switched to Ethiopia), I wasn't thinking much about it all week, until yesterday. I waited today, checked my email dozens of times, nothing. Their office is closed now - I even tried phoning. I realized that I just needed reassurance that we were ON the list.

Understandably, our dossier isn't ready - we still have to wait 6 weeks for re-approval for our country switch...but still.

I guess I'll have to wait until Monday. And then hopefully we'll hear something.

heartbreaking...

Although this article is American, it still pertains to all the other countries trying to adopt from Haiti. My heart breaks for the children in the orphanages and the families trying to get them home. Apparantly dossiers have been buried in the rubble...what will this mean?

Please remember them in your prayers...and consider pressuring the government to issue visas right away so the kids can come home!!

welcome

So here goes...
it has taken me a bit to do this blog.

I'd like to say we're now in the middle of our adoption, although it's only been just over a year, and we have another 2-3 year wait ahead of us. As you can see from the timeline on the side, we're sort of in a starting over phase, although I'd rather think of it as a continuation phase - as the steps we're taken are what we need to do to continue.

So I'm hoping that this blog will give some positive updates on the process (I can't imagine going through any more negativity that we have already - maybe more on that later). I'm also hoping that we will be able to raise some of the necessary funds to allow us to continue.

I haven't quite decided how I'll go about fundraising....maybe auction off some crafty things, I dunno. Any ideas are welcome. :)