second thoughts

As per usual...things are slow. I never know what to say to people when they ask how the adoption process is going. Really, it's going a lot slower than I'd like. Actually, we are still waiting for paperwork (hmm, somewhat never-ending!) On the whole, it truly is going at a snail's pace. I really am trying to remind myself that there is a reason for this and that the timing for us will be perfect, when it comes.

I have been asked a few times now if we have any second thoughts by several different people. Occasionally this has been asked with an incredulous tone (as in 'are you guys completely nuts?') and other times simply out of curiosity. I can think of one person in particular who has asked me this question at least 4 or 5 times over the course of the last 1.5 years.

No, I(we) have no second thoughts about 'doing' our adoption. The desire has never left us, though some doubts crept in when our agency went bankrupt and we thought it was over. We do feel led to this - and that alone has kept away our second thoughts.

But I have had some other second thoughts:
- should we switch to another country?
- should we try another agency?
- should we consider going on the domestic list?

The first two I considered out of impatience. Perhaps if we switch, things will move faster. Somehow though, these doors have remained shut for us, obviously answering the questions.
Domestic adoption was discouraged too by our agency - we already have 3 children, the likelihood we'd be chosen by a birth mother would be extremely low.
These are good things - really, since considering them gave me angst...
but I feel at peace where I'm at.

And I have no second thoughts.

down (again)

I didn't really feel like posting today. I hate it when I'm feeling down about our adoption. Realistically I know can't be excited all the time, nor can I expect things to go smoothly. Hey, look at the bumps we've been through already.

Why am I down?
- referrals have totally slowed; likely this will be the case for a while until some major changes happen (I know this is vague, but I don't feel like writing a novel)
- our grant will not cover our next biggest expense
- rumours are circulating of a new requirement to travel twice - once for court and once for visas

*sigh* no one said this would be easy. I guess I just didn't expect it to be so hard.

orphans on my heart

My heart felt heavy today. I wasn't thinking about our adoption specifically - though that leaves me with a feeling of longing more than anything. I was thinking about orphans in general. Their plight. Life. Love. Parents. Family. Circumstances. Health. Food. Clothing. Everything.

From Merriam-Webster, orphan is defined as:

1 : a child deprived by death of one or usually both parents
2 : a young animal that has lost its mother
3 : one deprived of some protection or advantage
4 : a first line (as of a paragraph) separated from its related text and appearing at the bottom of a printed page or column

What screamed out at me from this is that in general, it truly is a separation. Many times children are 'orphaned' by parents who are still alive, but are unable to care for them for whatever reason. (I wonder if there is a term one would use for the parents - I cannot imagine a more heart-breaking situation than knowing that it is impossible to care for one's own children.)
And I think of orphans as having separation from protection. I've blogged about that one before. Makes me ill to think about.

There are literally millions of orphans in Ethiopia.
There are an estimated 1.5 million orphans in Afghanistan.
Approximately 650 000 orphans in Russia. And those numbers are just the beginning.
What can we do about this? How can I help? How can you help?


Where am I going with this? I really don't know.

Just sharing what's on my heart and my frustrating search for answers.





Pure and genuine religion in the sight of God the Father means caring for orphans and widows in their distress and refusing to let the world corrupt you.
James 1:27 NLT

disturbing

I follow the Christian Alliance for Orphans blog, which is called Orphan's Matchbox. Their latest post on the Haitian ongoings was quite disturbing. Here is a short snippet from the brief article.

The nine year-old orphan had been raped by multiple men.

After taking her to the hospital, Esperandieu was told by the nurse that the rape of a child, especially an orphan, is now a “common event” that she sees daily…

This kind of thing, though perhaps some may consider 'common' after such happenings in a country, is to me, so unbelievably heart-wrenching. It is seemingly impossible to reach a solution; it seems to be an ongoing debate.

And as the article reflects on both sides of the issue, their key point (to me anyways) is so true:

It is time for the U.N. to stop presenting inter-country adoption and reunification as mutually exclusive activities.

And in the meantime I can only pray for all of Haiti.

my cup is filled

Last week I was asked by a friend about our next adoption payment. I told her about extra work Kevin was doing and that was helping us..but I didn't give her much concrete in terms of an answer.

Really, I didn't have much more to say on it. It's because I wasn't worried about it. When I left her - she likely puzzled by my answer - I felt oddly puzzled too. It wasn't until after that I realized that I had a peace that things were going to work out if they were meant to be. What a wonderful gift that is.

And it held true. We discovered today that we received a grant which will help with some of our adoption payments. :) I almost can't believe it myself.

I am so thankful.